so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
