just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
