Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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