what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
