YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
