he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
