just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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