So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dicks are not precious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize