So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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