Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You dont lie about slip and slides
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
