Your tits are I can't wait for
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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