Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
