you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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