problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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