so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can I color on your dick again?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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