I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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