Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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