I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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