Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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