If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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