thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
