He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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