i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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