Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
