last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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