But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
