dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Holy shit dude........stairs
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