After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
