Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
