He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
