I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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