If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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