i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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