remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
