I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
