Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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