In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
