Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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