there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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