Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
