Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
