how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
