there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
