Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
