I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
