So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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