small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
