omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
two words...techno handjob
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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