Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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