she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
