I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
