just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
