could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
