I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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