i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
