So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
