just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
