Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
