I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
