Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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