You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize