What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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