I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
how does that bad decision feel?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
