so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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