After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
