My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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