And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
