i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
